Healing Shame with Somatic Therapy: Liberate Your True Self

Shame is one of those iky, debilitating, horrible and hard to feel emotions. Out of the many emotions we have, this one is often a deeply entrenched emotion, hidden beneath layers of other feelings, making it one of the most challenging aspects of our emotional landscape to access and heal. But we can heal it!

Just the fact that you are here, reading this article, is a great first step on that journey and i'll tell you why below.

One of the reasons Shame is so hard to access and heal is that it activates the same brain regions as physical pain, which is why experiences of shame can feel so intensely painful and distressing.

Shame also seems to cut deep at our self-esteem. When we feel it, it seems to indicate that something at the core of us is fundamentally wrong, or bad. (It isn't). Which is why so many of us avoid to feel it, repress it, or attempt to bury it deep under other feelings and behaviours. Shame produces a shrinking of our life force, and deeply buried unaddressed shame can cause us to spend a life-time hiding our true selves & our gifts; avoiding situations that may trigger our shame; not using our voices or daring to express ourselves fully; and even limiting the full potential of who we are and who we came here to be. In our lives, in our purpose and in our relationships. The impact of this can lead to a whole host of other painful emotions, struggle and psychological issues as we atempt to deal with and cover up shame. Resentment, envy, jelousy, incredible pain at not being able to live the potential we know were capable of; jugmentalness of others, hatred, despair, cynicism when we have to witness others living things we cannot seem to; Loss of faith, depression, anxiety, fear of being exposed, futility..... The list goes on. Ultimately shame can be profoundly debilitating, affecting our mental health, relationships, health and well-being. However, shame lives, thrives and breeds in silence. So when we start to name it; when we start to talk about it; when we start to address our shame and 'face the monster' - we begin to break the chains, and take a MASSIVE first step in liberating it from isolation.

The truth is many of us carry shame. You are not alone.

And as you'll see there is hope, because you can heal these deep wounds and reclaim yourself and your power. Somatic Therapy has some amazing tools for helping you do just that. ( I'll give you a simple Somatic Exercise to do later in this article so you can get started right away) 😊

Origins of Shame

Shame can stem from a variety of sources, very often stemming from early childhood. This can include childhood experiences of bullying, abuse, and neglect, which can deeply impact our self-worth and sense of identity. Religious, parental and social conditioning can also play a huge role. As children we are innocent and free, but very often inherit our parents or caregivers unhealed shame, when they shame us for the things they carry shame for! Shame can occur around our gender, and what it means to be a man or a woman. And around our sexuality especially, since nearly all of us grew up in sex-negative cultures. Humiliation, whether in public or private settings, can also trigger feelings of shame, as can failures or perceived inadequacies in personal, academic, or later professional life.

Additionally, societal and cultural pressures to conform to certain standards or expectations can lead to shame, when individuals feel they fall short.

It can be important to understand there where and why's of shame, but most important is the HOW TO HEAL IT.

Understanding Somatic Therapy and Somatic Trauma

What is Somatic Trauma? 

Somatic trauma refers to the physical manifestations of trauma and frozen life-force energy stored in the body. Unlike traditional talk therapies that focus primarily on cognitive aspects, somatic therapy addresses the body-mind connection. It recognizes that trauma and shame are often deeply embedded in our nervous system, leading to chronic pain, tension, and emotional distress.

" Sensations are the doorways into our bodies wisdom. And shame is just a sensation."

Somatic Therapy in Gozo & Online

Somatic Therapy is becoming increasingly popular in Gozo & Malta, and worldwide, because it offers a holistic, practical and thorough approach to healing at some of the deepest levels. It includes various techniques such as breathwork, inner-diologuing, bodywork, sound, and mindfulness to help individuals get in touch with bodily sensations; build resilience towards feeling sensations; release trapped energy and emotions from their bodies; and access and self-sooth wounded inner-child and shadow parts - facilitating profound healing.

If we can go deeper than 'the story of shame', to the somatic - the sensations of shame, we can begin to liberate and alchemise that trapped energy and free our identity from the bondage of shame.

Core Wounds and Layered Wounds 

Shame often lies at the core of our deepest emotional wounds. It may be concious, or unconcious. Core wounds are very often surrounded by layers of other emotions such as anger, jealousy, sadness, and fear, as these have become the shields, self-defenses or self-protection mechanisms for 'surviving shame', making it difficult to access. It can also manifest as avoidance, resistance, distortion, perfectionism, caution, indecisiveness, complusive and addictive bahviours and masking. ANYTHING to avoid feeling what feels like self-esteem suicide to our survival instincts and brain.

Shame as a Sensation 

Somatic Work, works because it helps us remove the identification and story from our emotions - i.e: 'what we make our feelings mean about ourselves.'

Somatic work gradually, gently allows us to become more and more aware of the different sensations in our bodies and develops our capacity and resilience to be able to simply feel them. Going near shame can feel like going near a raw tooth nerve. And because it is often covered by many other protective layers, somatic therapy helps you to work through all these different layers, kindly and gently, in a way that is tolerable for your mind and nervous system. This helps hugely in being able to 'digest' and tolerate these sensations. I love to see the Somatic Work i do, with myself and others, as a process of sacred excavation.

Shame, as with any e-motion is not just an emotion; it is an energy which produces a sensation that we feel in our bodies. It might manifest as a sinking, small tight feeling in the stomach, a gripping and breathlessness in the chest, or a general sense of shrinking and withdrawal. Though it can manifest in any number of ways unique to your own body-mind. This physical aspect of shame is what makes it so suited to somatic therapy, when we can address these sensations directly, we become less and less afraid of them.

The Impact of Shame

Life Force and Potential 

Shame causes us to shrink and hide, particularly affecting our sense of who we are and our potential. It can lead to a debilitating cycle of self-sabotage, preventing us from expressing our true selves and living fully - all of our dreams, desires and unique gifts.

Sexual Shame 

Sexual shame, whether from abuse, conditioning, or societal expectations, is particularly pervasive. It affects both men and women, distorting our relationships and our ability to enjoy and express our full sexuality and sexual potentials. For men, it can hinder their true masculine power, while for women, it can affect their identity as sexual, relational, and expressive beings.

Ancestral Shame 

Shame is not only personal but can also be ancestral and generational, passed down through generations. We carry unhealed shame from our male and female lineages, affecting our identity and our sense of self. For women, this can also be passed womb to womb, grandmother to mother to us, impacting our entire being and even things like our fertility.

Healing Shame Through Somatic Therapy

Are you ready to heal shame and liberate the magic of YOU that is hiding away inside? 😊

If there is anything more regrettable at the ends of our lives its not having lived, been, expressed all who we knew we could be.

You don't have to do this work with me, but know that there are healing resources out there and that Somatic Therapy offer a powerful way to do this. What is most important is finding a therapist that you feel safe and comfortable with. If you would like to find out more about working with me you can send me a message HERE to have a chat.

Key Elements Of This Work Are:

• Building Resilience 
  

One of the key aspects of healing shame is building resilience and tolerance to feeling it as a sensation. This process involves gently accessing these deeply buried emotions and reintegrating the trapped energy. A skilled somatic therapist, who has done their own deep work, can guide you through this process, helping you take your power back from the conditioning and shame that has controlled you.

• Re-appropriating Shame 

Part of the healing process can involve re-appropriating shame that is not yours back to the abuser, or to those who shamed you. This can be a powerful step in reclaiming your life force and breaking free from the cycle of shame. This can be very powerful with shame from abuse or trauma, or in generational work, understanding that the shame is not always our burden to carry.

• Compassion and Inner Work 

Healing shame requires a compassionate approach, understanding that the shame we carry often originates from experiences imposed on us by damaged and unconscious individuals. We don't deserve to be victims our whole lives, especially when the source of shame is external. By engaging in deep inner work, re-parenting work, inner-child work and archetypal work we can start to liberate ourselves from these burdens.

All of the above is included in the deep Somatic Therapy and Coaching Sessions i offer. You can do sessions 1:1 Online, or in-person in Gozo

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Personal Experience and Hope

I too have experienced the debilitating effects of so much shame and continue to heal from it. I understand how challenging it is, but I also know that healing is possible. You can heal, reclaim your life and soul, and refuse to be a victim any longer. We don't need to carry the shame imposed on us by others. Through somatic therapy, you can achieve profound transformation and empowerment.

How to Heal: A Somatic Exercise

Here is a simple somatic exercise to begin addressing and healing shame:

1. Find a Safe Space: Sit or lie down in a comfortable, quiet place where you won't be disturbed.

2. Ground Yourself: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Feel your body connecting to the ground beneath you.

3. Scan Your Body: Slowly scan your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort.

4. Identify the Sensation: Focus on the area where you may feel the sensation of shame. It might feel like a tightness, heaviness, or sinking feeling.

5. Breathe Into It: As you focus on this sensation, breathe slowly and deeply into it. Imagine sending your breath to this area, softening and expanding it with each inhale.

6. Feel and Release: Allow yourself to fully feel the sensation without judgment or desire to change or get rid of it. Notice what happens to the sensation as you meet it this way? With each exhale, imagine releasing the trapped energy and emotion from your body.

7. Self-Compassion: Gently place your hand on the area where you felt the shame and offer yourself 3-4 kind, compassionate words and self-gratitude. Remind yourself that you are worthy, whole and beautiful.

8. Reflect: Spend a few moments reflecting on the experience. Notice any changes in your body and emotions.

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Summary

Healing shame is a deeply personal and transformative journey.

Through somatic therapy, you can address and heal the core wounds and layered emotions that have kept you trapped.

By building resilience and self-compassion, you can liberate yourself from the debilitating effects of shame, reclaim your life and your full life-force energy, and embrace your true potential.

You can heal, and you deserve to live a life free from the shadows of shame.

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For more articles on healing other emotions you can check out some of our other blogs.

To work with me 1:1 - you can apply to do sessions either ONLINE, or 1:1 IN-PERSON in Gozo, Malta. Sessions are still currently being offered at a discounted rate, available until the end of the year (2024)

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